Friendship: Are You Present?

Whether you are a friend of adoptive parents, or are in the season of waiting to adopt, how would you describe your friendships? Is it based on the frequency that you see them? Is it based on the depth of your relationship? In A Conversation on Friendship with Ellie Holcomb and Bob Goff, a YouTube video/interview, there are a few ideas I would like to discuss.


How can I serve? How can I help my friends? During this time of waiting in the adoption, invest and spend time with your friends. What could this look like?

  • invite them over for dinner
  • take dinner to them
  • go out for coffee
  • drop coffee off as a surprise for a friend
  • host a board game night
  • go for a walk or meet them at a park
  • if they use a pick-up grocery service, you could pick it up for them
  • look for local events on FB or an online event calendar to do together
  • help them with yard work
  • watch their kids so they can go out on a date


Hold your friends close. In the Bible, Bob Goff mentions how Jesus didn’t use the word accountability with His friends, but he held His friends closely. Bob Goff used the phrase “I’m holding you close” in this interview as a way to express how we care and take care of our friends. Do we feel the need to hold our friends accountable, or could we show them love by “holding them close”? How can we hold friends close?

  • listen when they need to talk
  • text or call to say ‘hi’
  • send them a card (old-fashioned…nah…people still enjoy it!)
  • be interested in what’s going on in their life
  • pray for them


“Just show up.” This is what a friend of Ellie’s told Ellie, when she was unsure of how to support her friend during a time of grief. Many times, these situations are unknown ahead of time and you just have to show up. Sometimes these are times of joy and sometimes they are times of trial:

  • taking a meal to a friend when there’s been illness/surgery
  • taking a meal to a friend when a baby’s been born
  • just offering to listen
  • watch your friend’s newborn so they can take a nap
  • attending a funeral to support your friend
  • helping with a major unexpected house repair
  • big yard project


Pursue and love others around you. When we act in phileo love, or friendship/brotherly love, we are able to demonstrate kindness to each other. This encourages each other and shows others that we care.


Present over proximity. As we are present with friends, they see that we care and are more willing to share what is on their heart. This can be difficult with our culture and the presence of technology. Bob Goff mentions how he enjoys asking questions rather than trying to give solutions. This allows people to reflect and come to their own solution or self-discovery. Be with the people that you’re actually with.


In closing, a quote from Bob Goff on this interview is, “We are either a reflection or a reaction to people that are closest to us.” How do you want to encourage and love others in your friendships? Is there anything you would want to change?

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